jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
