I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
