according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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