I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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