He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
