end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
