Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
