we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
