I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
