I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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