i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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