Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
