Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
