there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
