Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
