ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He told me they were just razor bumps!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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