i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
