just come out here and I will go home with you...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
