I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love having hate sex.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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