white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize