They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You're so nebulous sometimes
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
