Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
