Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
