i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
