Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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