Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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