So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
