Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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