i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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