Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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