Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
