Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
