White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
