wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
