I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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