i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
