My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
