Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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