I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
where are you?
Hypothermia
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
