yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
