Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
