it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
