Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Never joke about your clitoris.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
