Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
