Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
