How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i drank out of a bidet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
