did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
