You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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