I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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