At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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