South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
areolas are like halos for boobs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
