Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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