It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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