She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
