Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
