I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
