She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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