We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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