Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
