I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
