The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize