I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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