She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
