I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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