Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
