Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
