I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
