After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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