I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
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A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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