i'm signing you up for texting rehab
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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