Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
