Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
