I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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