I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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