Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
