Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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