I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
