i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
