I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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